Listography

Today is a day for lists.

LIST #1: Instructions for Baby

 

INTRO TO LIST 2: I finally got to go home for a while for Christmas, and I loved it! I haven't been able to visit home very often because I've been working so much, and I've really missed being with my family and being at home. 

LIST #2: Things I Love About Home (in no particular order)
     1. Falling asleep to the sound of the heater vent. Ahhh, dear heater vent, I love you! One of my favorite things to do around Christmas is to sit on the heater in the living room with a blanket, and look at the tree, all lit up and stuffed full of homemade ornaments. (I'm not kidding about the plethora of ornaments. The tree is more ornament than tree. All homemade. It's by far the best Christmas tree I've ever seen. FACT.)
     2. Real food. Yes, I'm not ashamed to admit that one of the best parts of home is having real food. Food always tastes better when Mom makes it.
     3. Family. Playing games, laughing until all hours of the night, skating on a frozen pond, dumpster diving, playing with babies, creeping on people, etc.
     4. This house has everything. Washer and dryer, dishwasher, working toaster, a microwave that doesn't smell like a chain smoker, pots and pans, dishes, knives that actually cut, a yard, towels, a huge supply of toilet paper, medicine, furniture--the list goes on and on. (Woah. This is a list within a list. Mind blown.)
      5. I love the feeling that is present in my home. It's a feeling I can't get anywhere else in the world. Hooray for families and being at home!

LIST #3: Demotivational Posters. Because they are hilarious.

Smarts

Sometimes I feel really smart and intimidating. Like today, for instance, when I found out that I didn't receive my checks because I put the wrong address on the shipping order. Heh. Apartment addresses are easily mixed up in my head. But thankfully, I got it all figured out with my good old credit union. Bless you, AFCU.
On another note, I'M GOING BACK TO SCHOOOOOOL!!!!!! I couldn't be more excited! Today I got my tuition waiver all figured out, and I have almost the exact amount in my savings account that I need to pay tuition. Coincidence? I think not! So now all I have to do is get the stupid website to cooperate with me and my money, and I'll be all set. I never realized how much I loved school until I wasn't in it. This month has been especially hard for me. I feel stagnant, trapped, and useless. I'm very thankful that Heavenly Father blessed me with a job so that I could earn money to go back to school, but it's just been wearing on me lately. It's getting harder and harder to go, and I'm looking forward to having less hours next year. If I'm not at work, I'm at my apartment; and while it's a wonderful place to be, I start feeling like a big bird in a small cage. I have so much passion and adventure, and I want to go do things and see things and experience life. But I encounter some problems, and they are: money (or lack thereof), transportation, and someone who will go with me. Right now I know that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, but I get so restless when I feel like I'm not progressing in my life. I've been painting a lot, which helps, but the painting I'm working on now is so frustrating because I can't make it work like I want it to. I've also started running again, but lately my ankles and shins have started aching after 10 minutes of running, which is very frustrating for me.
So, since painting and running, my usual escape methods, haven't been working, I had to come up with something different. Every day, I go on an adventure. Sometimes it's pretending that I'm a speed skater as I walk to work, or a spy who has to avoid being seen by cars. I often go out at night by myself and explore the abandoned construction site by my house. I found a sweet construction tube there, and I can sit in it and spy on people. Perfect. Sometimes I walk around making dinosaur tracks in the snow, or I pretend that I'm a lost mountain climber, trying to find my way back to base camp before the temperature drops and I freeze to death. Sometimes I go out into a field, lay down in the snow, and just stare up at the moon and the white mountains. It really is beautiful up here, and Heavenly Father has blessed me with a greater love for nature.
I'm so excited to be able to go home next week, to finally get out of Logan, to get away from work and the same people I see every day. I'm so thankful that I can go back to school, and although it's been pretty rough at times, I've learned a lot these past few months.
So, I guess the moral of this post is: Don't mix up your addresses.

It's not funny, it's art.

Sometimes I feel like Blanca.

Face It

I love National Geographic. They always have the neatest stories and the most beautiful pictures. I've always wanted to travel and experience different cultures around the world, but so far I haven't been able to do any voyaging. That's where National Geographic comes in! Sure, it's not as fun as being somewhere cool in person, but it's close, right? hehhh...yeeeah. Anyway, I found a beautiful picture in one of my magazines that I had to paint. It's a little boy from the Hazda tribe somewhere in Africa. I'm not exactly sure why, but Africa, especially African children, has always had a strong pull on me. I know going to Africa is the trendy thing to do right now, but I have been drawn toward Africa for quite a while. I ain't no trend follower!
So here is my painting. I would show you the original picture so as to compare the two, but that would make my paint boy look like....not good. So...no.

He could obviously benefit from more work, but at some point I have to stop myself, or I will go on painting until I've grown a neck beard. (My brother recently informed me that these are referred to as "Neards." Awesome.)

Speed Bumps

I am not a fan of speed bumps. Who likes to have all of your insides vaulted up into your brain every time you drive across a parking lot? Who wants to slow down when you're cruisin' around, looking like a neat hipster? It's worse when you can't even get your car over the bump, and it rolls backwards. I actually saw that happen the other day. It was incredible. I was enjoying a fiesta-spicy meal at Costa Vida, and out of the window I observed a woman drive slowly up to a speed bump. Her car tires peaked just at the top of the speed bump--and then her car rolled backwards. The small incline was just too much for her and her delightful Cadillac. It was unfortunate for others that I happened to observe this, because it made me spew rice and beans all over my fellow partakers of cultural food.

Today was a speed bump in my life, and it's been a little rough. I had a ridiculously impossible time waking up for work this morning. The pathetic thing is that I don't go in to work on Wednesdays until 11:45. I can usually wake up just fine, but lately I've been feeling like someone put 200 lb weights in my body, and no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get up when I need to. I blame garden gnomes.


I finally woke up to a text from my boss, who was ticked because it was already 12:00. I yelped (quite literally) and scrambled to get some form of clothing onto my body. Right then, I received a text from one of my best friends, who shared with me the worst possible kind of news. I sort of went into shock, but I didn't have time to think about anything because I was rushing out the door, trying desperately to get to work before my boss decided to shoot me. While driving to work, the news of the morning hit me like a wrecking ball, and those stinky tear ducts went into overdrive. I arrived at work in tears, without any makeup on, sporting a hair style fit for a rodent convention. I got in trouble for being late, and then I got jalapeno juice in my eye, creating a beautiful red mass where my eye used to reside. I can only imagine what today's customers experienced upon feasting their eyes on my lovely visage.

Life really is so crazy sometimes. It's smooth and easy, and in one sudden moment everything can change. That's one of the reasons I'm so grateful for the Gospel. It's the seat belt that keeps me in place when I go over crazy speed bumps. I know that I'll have many more speed bumps in this life, but I also know that no matter what, I'll have help getting over them. If I trust in God, and put my faith in Jesus Christ, I won't ever roll backwards, unable to get over bumps in the road. (I'd like to thank the woman outside of Costa Vida who couldn't make it over a speed bump. Without her, this metaphor would never be possible.)

Babbling

If you haven't listened to Florence + The Machine's new album Ceremonials, GO DO IT NOW! I love music that inspires me and makes me feel a lot of emotions--and Florence + The Machine always does that.
One of my favorite things to do is to listen to music as I get ready in the morning. I love to take my time as I do my hair and makeup, sing to myself, and watch myself dance in the mirror. I believe that watching myself dance and sing in the mirror is always a good idea in the morning. I get to feel good about how I look after getting ready, and I get to see what a goober I am, thanks to my incredible singing and dancing skills. It's an awesome high, followed by a nice reality check-especially if someone walks in on me watching myself dance. Oh yesh, it's a beautiful moment.

Speaking of dancing, I really hope to be as good as this kewl kat one day. In all seriousness though, I need to meet this guy. We would hug, and then dance the night away while growing our beards.

 Last night I got home from work and felt so restless. I wanted to get out, run away, go cliff-diving, escape--something. As I don't have a car and it's freezing outside, I decided to escape through inhaling fumes, tattooing my skin, starving myself, and blowing out my eardrums. Sounds fun, right? That's what painting does for me.
My apartment really isn't the best place for oil painting, because it's not very well ventilated, especially during winter. So I end up getting light headaches from the liquin and oils I'm using. Not ideal, but at least it smells good.
I'm a very messy painter. After a 3 or 4 hour session, I'll come back to reality and see that I've managed to get paint on the wall (the one that is farthest from me), underneath the table, in my hair, on my ear, in my mouth (seriously disgusting), on the inside of my shirt, on whatever food I was eating, and aaaaalllll over my forearms. Getting paint on my clothes and skin wouldn't bother me, except that oil paint likes to stay on my skin like leeches on flesh. And sometimes the color and placement of the paint can be.....awkward. It makes for fun times!

It's sideways, but you get the picture. Sometimes the chemicals in the paint make my arm swell. Even bettttter!!!

 Starving myself. It's not intentional. When I paint, I get so wrapped up in what I'm doing that I won't notice my bursting bladder or my empty, starving stomach. Poor lil' guys. When I finally come out of my trance, I'm emaciated and my eyes are yellow. Believe it. Because I listen to music when I paint, I also become deaf. Not that my music is too loud (usually...), but I just can't seem to hear anyone, whether they are talking about me or yelling in my face. I get in the zone, man!

Aww piyts. I just noticed that I have a shirt with some buttons under a cardi with buttons....and the buttons clash like the Titans. Eh, oh whell. I sometimes wonder why I get ready at all, when the only people that see me are customers (a.k.a. aliens) and my roommates. But hecks, even aliens are worth getting ready for!

Also: I found this picture the other day. I want to frame it and hang it on my wall.

Old man anxiety should go to bed without his supper.

Living with anxiety can be annoying sometimes. My road trip through life has been quite uneventful lately, and things have been enjoyable and relatively easy. I wasn't worried too much about anything, because everything was working out. Then Old Man Anxiety pops in, shoves me over, and is now in the driver's seat of my life. And he's a terrible driver.
So today, instead of being excited about painting and the first snowfall, my mind whipped up a fresh batch of worries. Delicious.

Worry #1: I haven't felt too funtastic for the past few days, due to strange physical ailments. Upon looking up my symptoms, I find that I have 3 out of 4 symptoms that are linked to ovarian cancer. Greeeeat. I'm almost one-hundred percent certain that I don't have cancer, but anxiety takes this and runs with it.
Worry #2: I ordered checks almost a month ago, and they still haven't come, despite the email that said they were sent a few weeks ago. Ummmmm....? Where are my checks? I keep thinking that some ancient, front lawn-chair addict in Minnesota with a nice pot-belly, a tacky Hawaiian shirt that's missing more than a few buttons, and a pet beaver wound up with my checks. I shudder to think what he would spend my money on.....(Now that I think about it, having a pet beaver would be incredible.)
Worry #3: I'm doing some paintings for people, which I'm super excited about. But every time I try to start the paintings, I get overwhelmed by the amount of talent needed to complete said paintings. I really don't feel like I can create a painting that will satisfy, because I haven't had much experience, and I just make stuff up half the time. Perhaps I can establish myself as an abstract artist, and then whatever I paint will be considered great art, and people will pay all sorts of cheddar for my paintings. Done.
Worry#4: I have about 260 doll-hairs that I owe to tithing. It just keeps adding up, because I haven't had any checks with which to pay it. I know that I can pay in cash, but I just...haven't. I would rather hand in a check than an envelope stuffed with cash and coins. But I really shouldn't be picky, and I should REALLY get it paid.
Worry#5: Mom, I know that you think I share things on here that may be a little too personal. So, to you--and to anyone else who has issues with other people's issues, please skip this worry. I honestly want to know if this is normal, because it's kind of buggin' me out. I have used the bathroom 13 times today, and I know for a fact that I'm not drinking enough water to supply this. WHERE IS IT ALL COMING FROM?!? I promise I'm not sharing this to be gross. I'm honestly curious. Is this normal? Because it's really getting annoying. It's been going on for a few days, and it's seriously strange. Okay. Sorry if you are grossed out or completely flabbergasted that I shared this. (If you are flabbergasted, can you please take a picture of your face while in the act of being flabbergasted? I would really like to see what it looks like.)
Worry #6: This worry has many aspects to it, and it has to do with a person of the male gender. I don't think I have to expound on this one.
Worry #7: Spring semester is coming up. I live forever away from campus, which has been great for work. But I have no idea how I'm going to haul my person and my pack that rests on my back up to campus every day when I don't have a car, and when I'm not entirely sure if there is a bus route that comes out here, or how long it would take to get to campus on the bus. (By the way, I'm a huge bus fan. They are so fun-especially when you have to squish 100 college students onto 1 bus that is only supposed to hold 40. It really is hilarious, and provides some excellent face time with complete strangers--and I'm talking nose-to-nose face time. Or, in my case, because I'm so short, nose-to-chest time. Or nose-to-armpit. That one....is not so fun.)

Many of these worries are things that I really shouldn't worry about, because they are either unimportant, or there's nothing I can do to change the situation. But anxiety won't let me just shrug these off--not today. I have learned so much from having anxiety, for which I'm grateful for. I've come a loooong way from the days of panic attacks and social freezes. Most days, I completely forget that I have anxiety. But today it hit me full force and caught me off guard.
Painting, running, and writing are the three things that allow me to escape from any worry, stress, or emotion that I may be struggling with. These activities allow me to become alone in a crazy world, and through them Heavenly Father has opened many things to my understanding. Since it's freezing cold and dark outside, running was out of the question. (Although, I have run in freezing temperatures in the dark. It's kind of fun. And kind of stupid.) I couldn't start painting because my pre-drawing is not complete. It's being a stinky gremlin. So, I am releasing my emotion-vomit onto the world through writing. That is my only reason behind this post. And now I have to go see a man about a horse....AGAIN.

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I might have a commission!!!!! I don't really have time to explain, but I just had to write this down because I am sososososos excited about this!!! People like my paintings enough to buy them?!? I never thought this would happen, and I am so humbled and grateful right now. I'll give you the details later! WAAAAHOOOOO!!!!!!

Just when you thought I couldn't get weirder.....

 

Here is a close-up of my shaved head. I'll put more pictures up later. This is the only good picture I have at the moment, so.....yep.

Hello, my name is Shawrn Gaberdeen.

Today is my day off, so even though I posted something last night, I'm going to do it again. Right now. Because I can, and I want to. Okay.
I was digging around in my boxed up stuff the other day when I came across a list I made a little while ago during some boring college class. It's a list of things about me that most people don't know. I found it entertaining.

1. I would rather read a good book than go to sleep. I love to read.
2. I had an awesome snaggle-tooth. But it's gone now--braces claimed ol' snaggle for themselves.
3. I sleep with my baby blanket, silky, every night. There is absolutely no shame in this.
4. I don't always shave, which often leads to hairy situations...
5. I love a new notebook, or fresh, clean paper. Give me a pen and a blank sheet of paper, and I'll be happy for quite some time.
6. I like writing lists, but just for the fun of writing them. I don't always get those things done. In fact, I often write a list and then never look at it again.
7. Everyone thinks I look younger than I really am. At work the other day some woman asked me if my mother approved of me working alone at night. I was tempted to start crying and babble on about child labor, but that probably wouldn't have ended well...
8. I can't function without a bedroom lamp.
9. Camping, or being outside = best idea ever.
10. I make my own shoes, and re-cover old ones. But of course I also buy shoes. A lot of them.
11. I think eye patches make people instantly tough.
12. Cruise ship = worst idea ever.
13. "Goober" is for fools too lazy to get out 2 separate jars of condiments.
14. I love Harry Potter. Sometimes I have wizard duels. My brother even made me a wand, and I must say, it looks incredibly real. Because it is. I do magic, obviously.
15. Some of my favorite smells are fresh paint, homemade bread fresh from the oven, new clothes, and right before and after it rains.
16. 4-wheeling is top notch.
17. Okay, this one wasn't on the list, and it has nothing to do with things people don't know about me, but I was just reminded of it, and it must be shared. One time, I was walking home from class, and my shirt felt all torked. I was wearing a heavy jacket (it's Logan, people.), so I couldn't exactly tell what was going on with my shirt, but I couldn't fix it until I got home. But man, it felt so strange! Almost like my undershirt had become all bunched up around my belly button. Whelp, I got home, took off my jacket, and found that my bra had come undone, and was just chillin there at my belly button. EHH?? How on earth did that even happen? I wonder how long it had been undone. All I can say is, it's a dang good thing that A) I had multiple layers on so nothing was noticeable, and B) I'm so tiny up top that it wouldn't have mattered if I had multiple layers on or not - you still wouldn't have noticed.
18.When it's really windy, I take a plastic bag outside, release it, and then chase it all around.
19. I will never name my child Bumlock. EVER.
20. One of my greatest wishes is to go to Africa and work with AIDS orphans.
21. Instead of sucking my thumb when I was a baby, I sucked my tongue. And yes, I still do it.
22. Fruit juice is my fix.
23. I still play lava monster.
24. After I wash my clothes, it takes me forever to put them away. Sometimes they just sit in the basket until they need to be washed again. Yes Mom, you taught me better than that.
25. I would rather be with my family than with anyone else in the whole world.

So, now you know a little more about the girl who was christened Shawrn Gaberdeen during a most excellent camping trip - whether you wanted to know more or not.

It Done Been Shaved.

I am seriously the strangest person. I just shaved the side of my head. Okay, it's not the entire side-it's just a small section behind and above my ear. Shaved.
I've always wanted to shave one entire side of my head. Either that or get dreadlocks. It was taking way too long to grow my hair out, so I opted for the choice that would give me instant satisfaction. And may I just say, I LOVE IT! Drink it up, world! I look awesome! My mom, sisters, cousin, and that random guy I saw outside my apartment would disagree. But hecks, I'm just following Emerson's advice! Imitation is suicide, trust thyself, etc. I've always wanted to do this, and I finally screwed up the courage to do it. Hooray for being young, single, and crazy! Hooray for living awake!
I whill post pictures of my bald baby head as soon as I take some, I suppose. It's so fun--like an instant surprise party on the side of my head. Oh, there's a girl with a normal head and-WABAAM! There ain't no hair there! Awesome.
And to all those who mock me, may I just say: there are worse things I could have done to my hair. Let me give you a few examples:

This hairstyle has every bad hair trend combined into one amazing look.

This needs no explanation other than: Best. School. Picture. Ever.

Electric chair, anyone?

THE ULTIMATE MULLET! And yes, this is a woman.

.......there are no words.

Rug, anyone?

Wind Cave-in

I love Cache Valley in the Fall. The mountains look as though someone splashed vibrant, intensely colored paint all over them. The air is so crisp and clear-it makes me feel like my senses are more keen, that I am more aware of the world around me. I wish that Fall lasted longer, but since it doesn't, I'll just enjoy this amazing season while I can.
I've always wanted to be able to capture the beauty of Fall with paint, but I've never done landscapes before, and I was nervous to try. My friend had a birthday a few days ago, and I wanted to do a painting for him. I decided that this was the perfect opportunity to try a landscape painting, since he loves the mountains and nature and all that good stuff. I painted a picture of the Wind Caves in Fall, and I must say that it turned out better than I thought it would. I still have a long way to go with landscape paintings, especially with developing my own style. I want to be able to portray nature in a way that sets it apart, instead of just having a painting that says, "Oh, look at me, I'm a nice generic landscape. Now forget me." Anyway, here is the painting, from the beginning stages to the finished product.

This is the wash coat. What amazes me is that the wash coat always looks.....not good.

I make a mess. Oil paints are very messy.

Primary coat!

Almost finished! Sorry about the flash....

Finished!!

I had about a week to do this painting before my friend's birthday, and I think I finished it in 4 or 5 days. What I love about painting is that it allows me to completely escape from anything and everything. When I'm painting, all I'm focused on is the simple joy of creating. I love getting lost in my oil paints!

Bernice's Petals

I finally finished my experimental painting that I've been working on for about a month and a half. There are still a lot of improvements that could be made, but I had to call it done so that I could work on other paintings. It was really fun to do, because for the first time I didn't have to worry about anyone grading it or judging it. It was art for the sake of art--and I loved it! I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it now though. I suppose I could hang it up, but I feel weird about hanging up my own art in my own house. I have one hanging up in my room, but that's because I needed something on my wall, and I needed a space to store my painting.
Anyway, I documented my process for this painting so you could see how this particular piece came to be. This process is actually very different from my usual paintings, as I was doing mixed media and masonite instead of canvas. Enjoy!

This is how all my art projects start: almost undecipherable scribbles in a sketch book. My ideas are constantly changing, and I have to write them down fast or else I will forget them.

This is the first rendering I did. I like to have an idea of what the final product is going to look like, but usually once I start painting, I just fly by the seat of my pants. My first renderings rarely end up looking like the final piece.

This was my first idea, but I scrapped the Iris and chose the Protea instead, because I liked the shape of the petals.

 The second stage is the drawing/tracing stage. My door/window isn't exactly ideal for tracing, but when you're stuck at your apartment, you take what you can get! After I drew it, I did a charcoal transfer onto my gessoed panel. Then I went over the charcoal with black acrylic paint.

I get pretty messy when I do my art projects. I think I've had all my art stuff on the table for 2 months. Good thing my roommates don't ever eat at the table! It's also a good thing that we have this fake tile stuff in our kitchen, because it is now covered in paint.

I have to step back and analyze my pieces every now and then. (I also have to eat cake and drink Lactaid without a glass.) It's really quite incredible how effective stepping back can be.

 I wanted to do a kewl paint splashing on the petals, so I taped up all the black outlines, and any white space I didn't want covered in paint. It took FOREVER!! I'm almost positive there was an easier way to do this, but I have more masking tape than an office supply store, so I figured, why not use it?

Paint splashing time! This is green acrylic paint that I watered down. It didn't quite splash the way I wanted it to, and most of the paint got on me, the railing, the cement, and the door handle.

While my green paint was drying, I started experimenting with ink transfers. We didn't have newsprint, so I used phone books! It took a few tries to figure out the best way to do the transfers, but once I got it figured out I went crazy with it.

I didn't like the green paint, so I went back and covered it all up with white acrylic. Guhhh!! All that taping, for nothing? The color on the leaves is just colorful ink transfers from phone book ads. They turned out pretty sweet!

This is how I look after a long night of painting. Awesome, I know.

Mostly I added this picture because my hair looks awesome. Heh.

Check out this huge brush I got! It was a LIFESAVER! 

 After finishing the ink transfers, I decided to add some color to my pale little flower. I used oils for this part, because I can manipulate them a lot easier than acrylics, and their color is more vibrant.

Finished!!! I'm pretty happy with the way it turned out. It's nothing super fancy, but it was super fun to do!