Face It

I love National Geographic. They always have the neatest stories and the most beautiful pictures. I've always wanted to travel and experience different cultures around the world, but so far I haven't been able to do any voyaging. That's where National Geographic comes in! Sure, it's not as fun as being somewhere cool in person, but it's close, right? hehhh...yeeeah. Anyway, I found a beautiful picture in one of my magazines that I had to paint. It's a little boy from the Hazda tribe somewhere in Africa. I'm not exactly sure why, but Africa, especially African children, has always had a strong pull on me. I know going to Africa is the trendy thing to do right now, but I have been drawn toward Africa for quite a while. I ain't no trend follower!
So here is my painting. I would show you the original picture so as to compare the two, but that would make my paint boy look like....not good. So...no.

He could obviously benefit from more work, but at some point I have to stop myself, or I will go on painting until I've grown a neck beard. (My brother recently informed me that these are referred to as "Neards." Awesome.)

Speed Bumps

I am not a fan of speed bumps. Who likes to have all of your insides vaulted up into your brain every time you drive across a parking lot? Who wants to slow down when you're cruisin' around, looking like a neat hipster? It's worse when you can't even get your car over the bump, and it rolls backwards. I actually saw that happen the other day. It was incredible. I was enjoying a fiesta-spicy meal at Costa Vida, and out of the window I observed a woman drive slowly up to a speed bump. Her car tires peaked just at the top of the speed bump--and then her car rolled backwards. The small incline was just too much for her and her delightful Cadillac. It was unfortunate for others that I happened to observe this, because it made me spew rice and beans all over my fellow partakers of cultural food.

Today was a speed bump in my life, and it's been a little rough. I had a ridiculously impossible time waking up for work this morning. The pathetic thing is that I don't go in to work on Wednesdays until 11:45. I can usually wake up just fine, but lately I've been feeling like someone put 200 lb weights in my body, and no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get up when I need to. I blame garden gnomes.


I finally woke up to a text from my boss, who was ticked because it was already 12:00. I yelped (quite literally) and scrambled to get some form of clothing onto my body. Right then, I received a text from one of my best friends, who shared with me the worst possible kind of news. I sort of went into shock, but I didn't have time to think about anything because I was rushing out the door, trying desperately to get to work before my boss decided to shoot me. While driving to work, the news of the morning hit me like a wrecking ball, and those stinky tear ducts went into overdrive. I arrived at work in tears, without any makeup on, sporting a hair style fit for a rodent convention. I got in trouble for being late, and then I got jalapeno juice in my eye, creating a beautiful red mass where my eye used to reside. I can only imagine what today's customers experienced upon feasting their eyes on my lovely visage.

Life really is so crazy sometimes. It's smooth and easy, and in one sudden moment everything can change. That's one of the reasons I'm so grateful for the Gospel. It's the seat belt that keeps me in place when I go over crazy speed bumps. I know that I'll have many more speed bumps in this life, but I also know that no matter what, I'll have help getting over them. If I trust in God, and put my faith in Jesus Christ, I won't ever roll backwards, unable to get over bumps in the road. (I'd like to thank the woman outside of Costa Vida who couldn't make it over a speed bump. Without her, this metaphor would never be possible.)

Babbling

If you haven't listened to Florence + The Machine's new album Ceremonials, GO DO IT NOW! I love music that inspires me and makes me feel a lot of emotions--and Florence + The Machine always does that.
One of my favorite things to do is to listen to music as I get ready in the morning. I love to take my time as I do my hair and makeup, sing to myself, and watch myself dance in the mirror. I believe that watching myself dance and sing in the mirror is always a good idea in the morning. I get to feel good about how I look after getting ready, and I get to see what a goober I am, thanks to my incredible singing and dancing skills. It's an awesome high, followed by a nice reality check-especially if someone walks in on me watching myself dance. Oh yesh, it's a beautiful moment.

Speaking of dancing, I really hope to be as good as this kewl kat one day. In all seriousness though, I need to meet this guy. We would hug, and then dance the night away while growing our beards.

 Last night I got home from work and felt so restless. I wanted to get out, run away, go cliff-diving, escape--something. As I don't have a car and it's freezing outside, I decided to escape through inhaling fumes, tattooing my skin, starving myself, and blowing out my eardrums. Sounds fun, right? That's what painting does for me.
My apartment really isn't the best place for oil painting, because it's not very well ventilated, especially during winter. So I end up getting light headaches from the liquin and oils I'm using. Not ideal, but at least it smells good.
I'm a very messy painter. After a 3 or 4 hour session, I'll come back to reality and see that I've managed to get paint on the wall (the one that is farthest from me), underneath the table, in my hair, on my ear, in my mouth (seriously disgusting), on the inside of my shirt, on whatever food I was eating, and aaaaalllll over my forearms. Getting paint on my clothes and skin wouldn't bother me, except that oil paint likes to stay on my skin like leeches on flesh. And sometimes the color and placement of the paint can be.....awkward. It makes for fun times!

It's sideways, but you get the picture. Sometimes the chemicals in the paint make my arm swell. Even bettttter!!!

 Starving myself. It's not intentional. When I paint, I get so wrapped up in what I'm doing that I won't notice my bursting bladder or my empty, starving stomach. Poor lil' guys. When I finally come out of my trance, I'm emaciated and my eyes are yellow. Believe it. Because I listen to music when I paint, I also become deaf. Not that my music is too loud (usually...), but I just can't seem to hear anyone, whether they are talking about me or yelling in my face. I get in the zone, man!

Aww piyts. I just noticed that I have a shirt with some buttons under a cardi with buttons....and the buttons clash like the Titans. Eh, oh whell. I sometimes wonder why I get ready at all, when the only people that see me are customers (a.k.a. aliens) and my roommates. But hecks, even aliens are worth getting ready for!

Also: I found this picture the other day. I want to frame it and hang it on my wall.

Old man anxiety should go to bed without his supper.

Living with anxiety can be annoying sometimes. My road trip through life has been quite uneventful lately, and things have been enjoyable and relatively easy. I wasn't worried too much about anything, because everything was working out. Then Old Man Anxiety pops in, shoves me over, and is now in the driver's seat of my life. And he's a terrible driver.
So today, instead of being excited about painting and the first snowfall, my mind whipped up a fresh batch of worries. Delicious.

Worry #1: I haven't felt too funtastic for the past few days, due to strange physical ailments. Upon looking up my symptoms, I find that I have 3 out of 4 symptoms that are linked to ovarian cancer. Greeeeat. I'm almost one-hundred percent certain that I don't have cancer, but anxiety takes this and runs with it.
Worry #2: I ordered checks almost a month ago, and they still haven't come, despite the email that said they were sent a few weeks ago. Ummmmm....? Where are my checks? I keep thinking that some ancient, front lawn-chair addict in Minnesota with a nice pot-belly, a tacky Hawaiian shirt that's missing more than a few buttons, and a pet beaver wound up with my checks. I shudder to think what he would spend my money on.....(Now that I think about it, having a pet beaver would be incredible.)
Worry #3: I'm doing some paintings for people, which I'm super excited about. But every time I try to start the paintings, I get overwhelmed by the amount of talent needed to complete said paintings. I really don't feel like I can create a painting that will satisfy, because I haven't had much experience, and I just make stuff up half the time. Perhaps I can establish myself as an abstract artist, and then whatever I paint will be considered great art, and people will pay all sorts of cheddar for my paintings. Done.
Worry#4: I have about 260 doll-hairs that I owe to tithing. It just keeps adding up, because I haven't had any checks with which to pay it. I know that I can pay in cash, but I just...haven't. I would rather hand in a check than an envelope stuffed with cash and coins. But I really shouldn't be picky, and I should REALLY get it paid.
Worry#5: Mom, I know that you think I share things on here that may be a little too personal. So, to you--and to anyone else who has issues with other people's issues, please skip this worry. I honestly want to know if this is normal, because it's kind of buggin' me out. I have used the bathroom 13 times today, and I know for a fact that I'm not drinking enough water to supply this. WHERE IS IT ALL COMING FROM?!? I promise I'm not sharing this to be gross. I'm honestly curious. Is this normal? Because it's really getting annoying. It's been going on for a few days, and it's seriously strange. Okay. Sorry if you are grossed out or completely flabbergasted that I shared this. (If you are flabbergasted, can you please take a picture of your face while in the act of being flabbergasted? I would really like to see what it looks like.)
Worry #6: This worry has many aspects to it, and it has to do with a person of the male gender. I don't think I have to expound on this one.
Worry #7: Spring semester is coming up. I live forever away from campus, which has been great for work. But I have no idea how I'm going to haul my person and my pack that rests on my back up to campus every day when I don't have a car, and when I'm not entirely sure if there is a bus route that comes out here, or how long it would take to get to campus on the bus. (By the way, I'm a huge bus fan. They are so fun-especially when you have to squish 100 college students onto 1 bus that is only supposed to hold 40. It really is hilarious, and provides some excellent face time with complete strangers--and I'm talking nose-to-nose face time. Or, in my case, because I'm so short, nose-to-chest time. Or nose-to-armpit. That one....is not so fun.)

Many of these worries are things that I really shouldn't worry about, because they are either unimportant, or there's nothing I can do to change the situation. But anxiety won't let me just shrug these off--not today. I have learned so much from having anxiety, for which I'm grateful for. I've come a loooong way from the days of panic attacks and social freezes. Most days, I completely forget that I have anxiety. But today it hit me full force and caught me off guard.
Painting, running, and writing are the three things that allow me to escape from any worry, stress, or emotion that I may be struggling with. These activities allow me to become alone in a crazy world, and through them Heavenly Father has opened many things to my understanding. Since it's freezing cold and dark outside, running was out of the question. (Although, I have run in freezing temperatures in the dark. It's kind of fun. And kind of stupid.) I couldn't start painting because my pre-drawing is not complete. It's being a stinky gremlin. So, I am releasing my emotion-vomit onto the world through writing. That is my only reason behind this post. And now I have to go see a man about a horse....AGAIN.

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I might have a commission!!!!! I don't really have time to explain, but I just had to write this down because I am sososososos excited about this!!! People like my paintings enough to buy them?!? I never thought this would happen, and I am so humbled and grateful right now. I'll give you the details later! WAAAAHOOOOO!!!!!!