I'm going to be hit by lightning.

Sometimes I'm horribly cynical about relationships. I make fun of engaged couples and anyone in a relationship all the time. I like to think that I'll never get married or be in a relationship because people in relationships often make me gag. Engagement pictures always look phony and ridiculous, and whenever I see couples in public the first word that comes into my head is, "awkward."

AWKWARD.

EVEN MORE AWKWARD.

 It seems to me that life is easier when you don't have to worry about whether or not the person you are interested in is the one, or if they even like you at all. I honestly don't understand how relationships work. How can you trust that someone will love you for who you are, all the time, no matter what you look like or how strange you are? And how on earth does Heavenly Father trust his imperfect children to choose who they want to spend eternity with? How do people even get married? There is no instruction manual on how to do well in a relationship, and everyone has their own advice and opinions on how one should behave or think in a relationship. It's so ridiculously confusing! 

Also: why is there so much pressure to get married early in LDS culture? I understand that it's important to get a family started and all that good stuff. But I swear that if you're not married by 25 (23 for girls), people start questioning why you are still single. REALLY?!? Single's wards don't help with this at all. Every week you get a lecture on marriage. If someone announces that they are engaged, it's cause for huge celebration and recognition. But if you announce that you just got your dream job, or you finally got that degree you've been working toward, the attitude tends to be, "Oh, congratulations! When are you going to get married?" Why isn't it okay to just be single and not be pursuing anyone? 

Now I know that marriage is important, and that it is ordained of God. But sometimes the push for dating and marriage makes me feel like being single isn't good enough. Like anything I do while I'm single doesn't count. Then there's the flip side of this situation, where people refuse to get married or seriously pursue anyone because they don't want the responsibility or commitment, and because the single life is just too much fun. What the heck?

So sure, relationships are important. Why then are they so confusing and frustrating and stupid? Why does marriage have to be constantly shoved in the faces of single people? Why isn't it okay to be single after you are 23? I probably sound like a some bitter fool. But I just get so frustrated with feeling like I'm not good enough because I'm not and never have been in a relationship. I've been asked a lot about my personal relationship history, and when I reveal that I don't have a history, I get shocked looks, like I'm some alien freak. Oh, and it's even better when I say that I've never been kissed. The reaction tends to include barfing, fainting, seizures, and then the classic question, "Is it because you just don't want to kiss anyone, or is it because no one has ever tried?" Saying that I have poisonous lips and moldy teeth would be more acceptable to people than saying that no one has ever tried, and I simply don't care that much about it. 

I'm probably going to be hit by lightning one day because of my attitude toward relationships (and single's wards). But this is honestly how I feel. Yes, I would love to get married, and one day I will. But in the meantime, why can't it just be okay to be single?