Single's Wards

There's really only one way to describe a young single adult ward:

Every week without fail, someone gives a plug for marriage. So if any one of the members is feeling depressed about being single, this will definitely help. I know that marriage is the next step for young single adults, but sometimes it feels as though being single isn't good enough; that you can't move on until you are married. I agree that marriage is good and worthwhile, etc., but being single doesn't mean you're a dud. If you happen to find that special someone, awesome. If you don't, awesome--you can still do amazing things and have a fulfilling life! Sometimes I feel like well-meaning leaders, in their quest to advocate marriage, turn into marriage zombies.

My favorite part about being in a single's ward is that no matter what ward you are in, you can always find the typical "single's ward" folks. You know who I'm talking about. 

First up: Recently Returned Missionary. These ones scare easily, always have the answers in sunday school, and they start most conversations with, "When I was on my mission....."

Next: Mr. Kewl. This guy is really too cool to be in a single's ward, but since there's no such thing as "The Ward for the Coolest Members of the Church," he has to settle for a YSA ward. 

Third: The Creeping Flirt. This is the guy who flirts with every female he lays eyes on. He'll corner you in the hall and find some way to show off his muscles. If you sit next to him in sunday school or sacrament meeting, he'll write suggestive notes to you on the program, and try to impress you with his deep understanding of the Gospel. He's kind of like a vulture, looking for fresh meat.

A favorite of every girl is The Desperate Seeker. You feel bad for him, until he asks you how many kids you want--right after he introduces himself to you. This guy's game plan is to ask everyone until he gets a yes. It's kind of sad, but after desperately seeking for an eternal companion for a few years, some guys become sort of creepy.....almost psychotic. 

Now for the girls. First up: Miss I Only Go To Church To Meet Boys. Church is obviously not their cup of tea, and they are fashionably late to every meeting. Please don't ask them a question in sunday school: they will look shocked, say they don't know, and then giggle for ten minutes to the boy sitting next to them. The halls of the church building act as a catwalk for these girls.

Finally, we have Cake Face. These girls are usually very sweet and friendly, but they have an unfortunate habit of plastering ten pounds of cakey makeup on their face every morning. It's best if you stay away from them during Fast Sunday--cake is very tempting to a growling stomach. Cake Face girl is also characterized by the classic "Utah Poof" --the only hair style that allows you to carry rats around on your head and makes you at least 1 foot taller.

Everyone else is usually pretty normal, and if you ignore the ridiculousness that is an LDS single's ward, church is quite enjoyable. UNLESS YOUR WARD'S "LINGER LONGERS" CONSIST OF DRY PIECES OF BREAD.....EVERY TIME, EVEN ON FAMILY DAY. COME ON. COME ON!!! Even Ramen would be better.